Sunday, May 13, 2012


I’m pretty certain that by now you get the picture of how much I love God by what I have shared with you.  The following story is one that I have not shared so openly with a lot of random people especially ones I’ve never met.  However, I did promise that I would share the story when at the height of my doubt of God’s existence; He proved to me that He is indeed very, very real.  If I may warn you, this story is not for the faint of heart or those who emphatically disbelieve that God is real.

It was an early and rainy Friday morning, dreading the long hour and a half commute to Oakland from Antioch which features a drive to the BART station and a three block walk to the office.  I dragged myself through the whole routine already disgusted with the monotony that was my life.  Do you ever have those days when you just don’t feel like you ever get a break?  That was me.  I felt like a failure, a loser, down on myself, waking up day after day, struggling through life, financially and emotionally.  As much as I thank God for my two beautiful kids, they are now grown, and I was an empty nester.  There was nothing to keep my mind busy and to suppress the monster that I now have to face.  Today. 

As I drove to the train station, I realized that it wasn’t only rainy, high winds were whipping mercilessly as well.  I could have driven to work, and paid the $8 a day parking but I knew the traffic would make me late and I would get the all-day evil eye from my lady attorney boss.  I had to take the train.

After driving around for at least 10 minutes, I finally found a parking space at the very end of the lot.  I took a deep breath to gather up enough patience to speed walk to the station entrance.  As I sped walked, my umbrella could not handle the strength and folded inside out and actually snapped its joints to its demise, deeming it useless.  It then went straight into the trash.  I realized the dilemma I was in knowing that before my clothes even dried completely, there would be another block to tackle after I got to the destination station. 

Mental conversation:  “Great!  What else could go wrong?”  By this time I was letting it all out to God. “Is this all there is, Lord?  I mean, my life was just one disappointment after another.  I can’t catch a break!  I’m going to die miserable.  I have no one in my life, one shoulder to cry on, no one to care about how my day went.”  As soon as this thought played in my mind, there was another voice that was trying to overlap the negativity and it chanted, “I AM ALL YOU NEED”  I tried so hard to silence it and make the “whoa is me” voice louder and louder to overpower it but the louder the voice became.  My eyes were closed the entire commute that I didn’t even care who was watching me or what my facial expression looked like.  The voice kept going on and on until the negative voice was finally hushed but the other one kept going.  I started focusing on it and started to feel better.  Suddenly, the pre-dreaded walk to the office no longer mattered.  I thanked God, and apologized that my faith even wavered.

Mindlessly, I walked into a building which connected into the raised parking lot connected to our office building.  I seldom walked this route because it was barely taken, but it was better than walking the extra 3 blocks in the rain.  I felt a sense of happiness, blind faith and trust that God is true to His word.  He always had been, now is not the time to start doubting. 

As I walked through the exit door, I looked to my left where I was about to throw my breakfast wrapper away when I noticed something.  The trash bin had been lined with a brand new liner and the only thing in it was a dozen red roses!  I stopped and looked at it for a bit and thought to myself, who would throw these beautiful long stemmed roses?  Instinctively, I pulled them out of the trash can.  One rose had wilted, so I decided to discard it, feeling bad for it even.  Wow!!!! These will certainly make my Friday, something beautiful and alive sitting on my desk and make me feel happy all day. 

And then it dawned on me!  My mind was racing… trash can with a brand spanking new liner, the first thing tossed are a dozen long stemmed roses!  Humbling!  These flowers were from God!  I realized how humble this is.  He kept saying “I’m all you need” the whole ride, I never took this route, if He was to send me flowers, how would He be able to get them to me?  The humblest way, that is!  How else?  Now I felt bad for throwing away that wilted one.  But hey, 11 out of 12, not bad! 

I got compliments all day.  They knew I didn’t have a man in my life but when asked where they were from, I said “Someone who loves me.”  All throughout the day I counted 11 still feeling bad for the one that was discarded.  I took the flowers home, said a prayer, vowed it would be my testimony.  As I was arranging them in the new vase, still feeling bad for the discarded one, I started to count them again. I kid you not, I had 12!  GOOSEBUMPS!!!!!!!

I do regret one thing.  Although I have a photo of 11 roses on my desk, I wished I took another one at home with all 12.  God is simply and utterly AWESOME!  Now, you can believe this story and you can also doubt it, you are so entitled.  However, it is a testament that GOD IS ALIVE!! You do not have to seek Him outside of yourself because He is IN YOU.  Tap into that, maybe one day you will get a miracle such as I had.

Till my next rant… Love One Another.

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